I have met mayhem, and it is called Orlando over Memorial Day weekend. That’s when all the people come out. When the heat turns up. When even ice cream is hot. When the only way to move about a theme park is to body surf atop the crowds. When the roads are lined with people from Wisconsin and Kansas who have forgotten their cars came pre-installed with gas pedals. (They just stop in the middle of four-lane highways!) I took the family to Orlando where we stayed in a resort, visited the Magic Kingdom and drank so much chlorinated pool water that our insides are bleached white. As with all my trips, I learned a lot. So I figured I would share some tips on how to make it back alive. Heed my advice: • Just because the fancy complimentary hotel breakfast buffet has every meat imaginable doesn’t mean you have to eat them all. Yes, a shrimp omelet, homemade corned beef hash, eggs benedict, bacon and a breakfast sausage the size of a fire extinguisher may look appealing, but they will also harden your arteries by lunch. Next time I’m eating cantaloupe and yogurt. • Never go on spinny rides right after lunch. This bears repeating: NEVER go on spinny rides right after lunch. • Always make sure your swim trunks are tied tight before you hop out of the pool. This also bears repeating, especially if you hop out in dramatic fashion in front of a bunch of … Continue reading Now for some “tips” on surviving a vacation to Orlando